Should I stop being a perfectionist?

Perfectionism can put you at risk of emotional pain and cause you to procrastinate. Photograph: Jamie Grill/Getty Images

Do you set yourself high standards? Did receiving anything less than an A grade at school trigger a meltdown? If you stress out about being anything less than truly excellent, you may be a perfectionist.

Rather than being a cause of celebration and high achievement, this trait can put you at risk of emotional pain and cause you to procrastinate. While striving to be the best you can be sounds laudable, research increasingly suggests that this pattern of behaviour is frequently linked todepression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorders, eating disorders and chronic fatigue syndrome.

Research by Brook University in Ontario examining the relationship between perfectionism and physical health in 492 men and women aged between 24 and 35 years of age has found that perfectionists were more likely to feel unwell and complain of upset stomachs, poor sleep, shortness of breath, pain and fatigue, and that they took more sick days.

Perfectionists may also fear failure so much that they put off doing their work until it is too late. As psychologist David D Burns wrote in a 1980 article in Psychology Today, by "reaching for the stars, perfectionists may end up clutching at air"

The solution

Perfectionism is a stable personality trait and, as such, it is difficult to change. Thankfully, though, there is more than one type of perfectionism. Socially prescribed perfectionism is driven by the fear that others will ridicule you if you are not perfect. It is also often combined with demands of perfection from family, friends and colleagues, and accompanied by feelings of distress and depression.

The Ontario researchers found this group of perfectionists to be the most unhealthy, and at least some of their symptoms were thought to be connected to depression. Socially prescribed perfectionists also tended not to have strong social support networks because, not only were they critical of others, they also reported feeling like "failures" if they ever needed to ask others for help.

If your striving is internally motivated and you can bounce back from disappointment, a certain level of perfectionism is perfectly healthy. If you are not too self-critical and don't feel that your best will never be good enough, it can even be a motivating force that makes you feel good about yourself and the things that you achieve.

While the research seems to show that perfectionism is not always a virtue, how you cope with it is what really counts. Do not set unattainable goals and then blame yourself when you fail to achieve them. Also avoid obsessing about how no one can do things as well as you. Remember, instead, that this trait is a double-edged sword – and don't set your standards too high.